Honestly, when people mention his name, it hurts me a lot. I’m a strong girl because I’ve learned to bottle things and move on fairly quickly. I don’t allow something to hurt me on a surface level because I have an image to maintain. As much as I’d love to cry and frown and let all my feelings out, I don’t feel comfortable doing that around anyone. Even with my mom, I feel as if I need to be the strong one. I’ve always been the strong one. Go on and hit me because I will try not to cry. But for every time his name is spoken I feel a pain in my body. A sudden urge to think of everything we ever did, Especially now as school has begun. He was my first true, real boyfriend, the first boy to meet my family. Its little things that I remember that hurt the most. Why? To hell if I can even understand them myself. I hate that he played me a lot, and that he fails to recognize what he did to me. I don’t want to run into anyone because I’d rather be alone with my thoughts and not have to worry about what anyone thinks, or what anyone can guess what happened. He cheated simple and clear as day. He lied. He was a dog. He was dirt. As terrible as it sounds that I feel the need to bring those things up now that we are over. Its just the truth. He was never good enough for me, and I don’t ever want to have someone who’s just good enough, but rather, someone who is deserving of me. Someone who values me and only me and doesn’t want to play games. Someone who is genuinely there for me and wants to be happy with me and is truly comfortable with me. I just want a friendship with a boy, that eventually blossoms into something more, something that is meant to be there, something that is meant to happen. Not something created out of lust and desire.